Train Of Thought
 |
| Overcrowded Train |
Chit,.. chat,.. chit... chat.
Wheels of life moving,
Staying on track
Chit ,chat, chit ,chat.
Chug chug chugging,
Tracks of society,
Over rule natures priority
Chug chug chugging
Ra di Boom Ra di Boom
Humanity coming of the rails,
Morality sinking, filling up jails
Ra di Boom Ra di Boom
Ding ding ding a dong
Journey almost ended
Natures poorly tended
Ding ding ding a dong
Screech screech halt,
Devastation is our fault
Reverse the trend,
Or its journeys end
Screech .......screech...... HALT !
Submitted for : dVerse Poetics where poets share their creativity plenty more to explore
so sad that this is how it is.
ReplyDeleteLove the onomatopoeia... it adds depth to the journey; hopefully reverse slows things down.
ReplyDelete~laurie
I liek the use of sounds - it propels the words forward, a quickening toward that "halt" at the end. Good poem.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very oral piece - read aloud it bumps along very nicely -captured a good rhythm
ReplyDeletestrong words at the end really hammer home
def like the use of sound...and yes we seem to be chugging right along toward our own destruction...nice rhythm and flow to this...
ReplyDeleteLove the sounds of the train... and that image is reality.. for these people, it is the only route to go from one point to another.
ReplyDeletethis is a fast paced poem, coming alive with sound and taking us to the deeper meaning...very nice take on the prompt
ReplyDeletereally enjoyed how you composed this piece, lent itself so well to the expression. Lead in image is astounding! ~ Rose
ReplyDeleteA joy of onomatopoeia and I loved the image!
ReplyDeleteI loved how you pace our reading. And another truth in depth. Thank You So Much.
ReplyDeleteWhat a dynamic piece. So much going on in here. I love the global message and the projective tone, there's also a natural flow to the piece- the words replacing the choo choo sound was very fresh and I agree completely with Arron, this piece is made to be read aloud, thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed the read
ReplyDeletelove the rythem , great verse
ReplyDeletenice...i remember this one...what a crazy train ride that would be eh? love the sounds of the train though...used to listen to them when i went to bed...
ReplyDeletei remember this one too. i wrote one for that picture back then, this time, I wrote about bumble bee
ReplyDeletethis is fabulous! the photo, your use of onomatopoeia and the message, too. great job!!!
ReplyDelete