Normal Service /Resumed
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| Picture By Rob Hanson |
The lines of communication seem to be down,
When I look at your face I can see your frown.
We need to restore the line,.
This Relationship need to be redefined.
The lines of communication are broke.
I will not treat us like a joke.
We need to update,modernise,
This relationship needs no lies.
The lines of communication have been restored,
We seem to have found our soundboard,
We found our ideal communication,
Love is forever the solution.
Submitted to: One Stop Poetry for One Shoot Sunday
love is the solution for sure...and we can not let our communication or lack of get in the way of it...
ReplyDeletethou is a hard word in your second line, throws off the flow a bit, IMHO...
Communication is key...and we know it works because we have watched it fall apart so many times...Love is the way...i believe that with every part of myself...
ReplyDeleteagree with Brian about the "thou"...it threw me off...actually wondered if it was a mistake and you meant another word..."Thou" is an archaic feeling word that doesn't jive with the rest of your words and tone...Maybe a more up to date "formal" word...or even just changing it to "then"...I dont know...just thinking out loud...disregard what doesn't fit!
Beautiful ending in the final line. Your poem hints at a new day, one with modern technology, whose lines are still being determined by its users.
ReplyDelete"The lines of communication are broke.
I will not treat us like a joke.
We need to update,modernise,
This relationship needs no lies."
Great flow there. Excellent prompt response.
Yet ultimately, communication is a foundation laid like lines in the ground... connecting our souls in love.
ReplyDeletegood you managed to restore the communication again...it's so difficult not to lose connection - and your last line drives it home nicely..
ReplyDeleteMany thanks for all your comments ...I have changed the thou to When on Annie and Brians advice and yep it does seem to flow better ....thank you
ReplyDeleteLoved the sentiment. Never hurts to get reminded.
ReplyDeletelove is forever the solution -- and while love cannot be broken, lines of communication most definitley can.
ReplyDeleteLovely to meet you! Thanks for dropping by my place too.
Love can never be broken, that's a nice way of looking at it. Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteJaw Jaw not War War
ReplyDeleteWithout the ability to really talk and listen, how does anything prosper. well done!!!
ReplyDeleteI really like your take on the picture!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful composition in this piece, it flowed so well. A wonderful prompt write! ~ Rose
ReplyDeleteOld dustry telephone as metaphor for relationship -- well done.
ReplyDelete